Aliens are taking over your world!

So what the government wants is to keep everyone under control, that´s great. The problem is that some areas of the world have been taken completely over by aliens. The regional authorities of some cities across Brazil have noticed their cities are now inhabitated by aliens.
Aliens are in almost every country despite people saying they don´t exist.
Aliens that have invaded countries like ethiopia died out trying to adopt to the ways of life there. Though in the great metropoles of the world Aliens have infiltrated, imitated, exaggerated and procreated under the weary eye of Nato.
According to research done by S.A.F´s (super alien freaks) houses with chimneys avoid visits from out of space. It has been documented that on several occasions aliens have used the chimney as an entry and have been burnt hard by either a fire in progress or one that hadn´t quite gone out. So use that as food for thought and build a chimney. Apparently aliens don´t visit china for fear of having their technology duplicated on a grand scale. Aliens that hide in our local forests and lakes have been said to be ancient reptiles or overgrown simian chimps. Alas they are just aliens getting out to experience the great outdoors only to have their fun and games effected by overfed camera obsessed Human beings of the genus homo sapien.
What can we learn from the alien species? Firstly we can learn if you hide yourself from the world people will suspect the most sinister things of you. It´s not hard to pretend to be an alien because every stupid version of an alien that hollywood has given us is most similiar to us, except however the classic squid, which however cliche now is still repeated in the most contemporary of sci fi flicks.
Aliens obviously have already identified the enthusiasts and harvested their senses for their perfomances and arguments are the only things that have ever given me doubt that aliens exist. To speak plainly those out there talking of alien abductions etc are those that keep intelligent people from believing there is any such things as extraterrestrials.
Remember aliens are nothing to be ashamed of! If one lives next to you or something like that probably just means you´re really weird which can be cured just by copying everyone else. Or seeking medical help from your mediocre status obssesed local docter!
Being an alien must be hard! Remember they don´t take drugs as opposed to popular opinion, because often their ships rotate at such speeds when they go on trips they literally trip! That must have a great psychological effect don´t you think?

People love crap music

Here I am again with an interesting concept, music!
Do you notice that some people actually ask if others like music!?
It´s a bit like asking if you like drinking or eating isn´t it?
"Do you like music?"
"No music makes me feel bad."
"Wow tough break, so you must really hate radios then or what?
But that´s not the funny ding!
The funny ding is people like to use music in their everyday lives so much now because of ipods and portable music players which allow you to listen to exactly what you like when you like where you like.
That´s great and what happens is people who go running play the final countdown by the scorpions!
Some people cook meals listening to coldplay because it´s a well known Jamie oliver band.
And people listen to stupid house music when they´re doing nothing!
Old people who knew how to use an ipod would definitely listen to classical music in the garden.
And teenage nerds would play their violent videogames to popular hardrock classics like acdc and metallica not to mention the one hit wonder crap bands that make eighties metal so fruity.
So there´s always those attractive woman that take long baths and light candles, their music would typically be enya or enigma sensual music to set the mood.
Then theres people who love going to the shopping malls or street shops listening to hip hop, hip pop and variations of the last decades rap from the brazen classic tupac to the poxy 50 cent american dollar dreamer.
If you get to watch any of these people listening to their music in daily life, sometimes you´ll see them wiggle alittle. When they think nobody´s watching and when their song gets to the chorus or to the part which gives them the spine tingling goosebumps. Sometimes they´ll actually walk to the beat of their music.
or try to make their actions correlate with the music! Imagine the girl in the bath!
House music though is that kind of music which doesn´t generally have lyrics and usually for relaxing can sometimes make parties crappy because nobody can dance or even sing along, and the very notion of moving to the music is awkward. Unless of course fine drugs were furnished, and then you can trip out dancing and singing to neil diamond or dare i say it the carpenters. Who made up house music? is it really "cool"? For people in a house party who only take their hands out of their pocket to take a swig of wine or beer.
Is house music "smooth"?
House music reminds me of those chatline advertisements afterhours convincing you to meet people by making exaggeratedly expensive phone calls. There will be a young man with a cheesy grin and young woman way to sexy to be single, on the couch. And the music will be there in the background urging them on. Urging them to be social. Now isn´t there something wrong with these people. I am really bad at picking up woman, but i would never even consider making one of those 4.99 a minute calls to spice up my life. So i can only guess there is some freakshow´s who crank that house music thinking about their romantic expensive phonecalls.
As house music has a very wide variety of styles it´s dangerous to ridicule the entire style. Alot of electronic music lacks alot, maybe in a few years the guitar will be old fashioned and outdated.

Soup Operas

Scene 1: Davis and Janet are a middle aged couple living in some run down block of flats in London.
Davis walks in the door from going shopping. Janets on the couch half sitting half lying down watching east enders.
Janet: Hey Davis what took ya so long? You been out for half the friggin day! You got the six pack I asked for?
Davis: No I didn´t have time to get ya stupid beer I was out with me mates wasn´t I.
Janet: But ya did go shopping didn´t ya, ya big doofis?
Davis: Course love, what do you think I is... stupid?
Janet: So you got me crisps then haven´t ya, cause I told ya i wanted crisps?
Davis: Sorry luv didn´t get ya your crisps either that stuffs like a luxury these days can´t be just throwing out money these days.
Janet: So where´s the coca cola?
Davis: You never mentioned no coca cola, wasn´t even on the list was it?
Janet: But ya always get coca cola when ya go shopping dave?
Davis: No dear and guess what? Yesterday was watchen the tele and they was saying that coke´s bad for your stomach, so i was clever today wasn´t I? Saved ourselves a big stomach ache.
Janet: So what we going to drink then?
Davis: Still got half a bottle of milk in the fridge don´t we?
Janet: I guess so, so what exactly did you get while you were shopping?
Davis: I just bet all the shopping money on the dogs, cause i had a real good feeling, plus my mates picked up some inside tips! Lost though wasn´t it, maybe get me luck back next week.

-:As Davis finished his sentence janet threw the remote at Davis´ head hitting him in the temple and knocking him down where he landed in an awkward sitting position rubbing his head and mumbling.
Two hours late when Davis came around he found janet had already gone to bed even though it was early and she usually went to bed late. Davis was outside the bedroom door apologizing.-:
Davis: Just forgive me luv wont happen again me and the lads just havin some laughs down at the bookies is all.
-: Then Janet starts to cry in big moans and groans which really start annoying Davis.
Davis: Come on luv sorry, i´m sorry just stop it!
-:Then Janet turns out the light and thinks to herself with a tear in her eye:Things could have been different. Leaving Davis to sleep on the sofa with his head swollen on the side. Davis puts his head down and thinks to himself with a tear in his eye:Things could have been different.

End of first scene.
Soup operas are the new craze in Britain!
This is a soup opera filmed the same way as a soap opera. Soap operas usually contain ultra-beautiful actors and actresses who play wealthy unfaithful characters from rich neighbourhoods. Soup operas contain poor and annoying characters who are sometimes faithful from poor neighbourhoods.
Soup operas are a new wave hitting Britian showing the poor working class literally worts and all!

Some of the scenes give you an idea of the kind of lifestyles they live. And the problems they create in their own lives can be as hilarious as they are precarious.
Flat apartments where drug users and stray dogs wander round. With dozens of takeaway outlets with unknown franchise names like "Huge burger" and "Chicken time." And on every corner a small but well signposted alcohol store.
A good sized children´s playground with a sandpit minus the sand and just a layer of hard mud.(when it´s dry)
Broken chain swings. And a caved in slide soiled from top to bottom with doggy do do.
Only the latch key kid children go there to organize trouble. And even though the playground is well fenced off, there are several holes in the fences where delinquents and drug users enter and exit at leisure.

The front carpark of the block of flats is half filled with broken down cars minivans and car parts. The other half of the carpark is empty because the residents use public transport. The front carpark is also full of rubbish that the collectors deemed to toxic or sickly to clear away.

The soup opera is more interesting, for one because there is real domestic violence. Even conflict between local gangs that have claimed the block of flats as their own. In general much more entertainment than the tame squabbles of middleclass lovers who have no notion of losing it.
Also there´s the true sense of family which brings people together like for example, when a family member comes back to the flats after doing time in prison. The whole community often reunites on such occasions for a barbeque or if it´s winter simply a good old piss up drinking session which potentially lands somebody else in prison. So get into the new soup opera style where lower class citizens, second hand shoes, ex cons and welfare checks are as hot as desperate housewives!

Segredos do Faustão

Faustão: O grande anfitriao do show de domingo.
A voz dele é forte e como ele se organiza o show dele é muito bom.
Ele sabe conduzir a audiência, e como os grandes olhos dele agrada!
Mas uma coisa fica estranho: Ele emagraceu!!! Agora ele esta mais magro.
Ele fez uma cirurgia do estômago.
Faustão não anda mais como pato e o corpo dele esta melhor.
Espera um momentinho! Que foi esses boatos que Faustão estava com uma aberraçao no corpo dele?
Alguns ex amigos dele juram que ele tem um terceiro mamilo. E que estava là desde que ele nasceu ou foi colocado como uma marca spiritual.
Boatos sairam antes que ele fez cirurgia no estômago.
Ex amigos do Faustão affirmam que ele não tirou a coisa estranha durante a cirurgia.
Medicos que estavam presentes durante cirurgia não quiseram comentar.
Tambem nenhum membro da familia dele comentou.
Abalados fás de Faustão falaram que é ridiculo a noçao de uma coisa tão esquisito.
Infelizmente os fás ficaram decepcionados pois nao existe provas que negam a existência de um terceiro mamilo. De fato não existe evidencias para verificar se tem ou não tem tal coisa.
Mas se for verdade, o terceiro mamilo seria localizado entre os peitos bem apertadinho.
Será que Faustão vai mostrar o mundo que é tudo conjetura.
Foi comentado que o estranho mamilo poderia ter sido colocado durante cirurgia como um brinde de doutor que se compartilha na mesma religião.
Embora que não existam provas concretas, parece que muitas pessoas estão acreditando e assistindo o show do faustão apenas para checar essa coisa tâo curioso.
Quando Silvio Santos foi questionado ele comentou "Não sei nada disso, que coisa mais intrigante!"

funny dings

This is an email that was sent to me with funny things in it.
The kind of humour used here can be quite amusing! None of these things were written by me. But I thought they were funny and some of them very true. So...
Please enjoy these funny dings!
Ø   I asked God for a bike, but I know God  doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. 

Ø    Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. 

Ø    I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather; not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. 

Ø    Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than  standing in a garage makes you a car. 

Ø    The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the  list. 

Ø    Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear  bright until you hear them speak. 

Ø    If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong. 

Ø    We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. 
    
Ø    War does not determine who is right - only who is left. 

Ø    Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. 

Ø    The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the  cheese. 

Ø    Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then  proceed to tell you why it isn't. 

Ø    To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many  is research. 

Ø    A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a  train stops. On my desk, I have a work station. 

Ø    How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it  takes a whole box to start a campfire? 

Ø    Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything,  but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.   

Ø    Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they  can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them  fish. 

Ø   I  thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks. 

Ø    A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that  you don't need it. 

Ø    Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an  emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". 

Ø    I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. 
  
Ø    Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion  stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? 

Ø    Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the  street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are  sexy. 

Ø    Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president  and 50 for Miss America ? 

Ø    Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a  successful man is usually another woman. 

Ø    A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 

Ø    You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute  to skydive twice. 

Ø    The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good  ideas! 

Ø    Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it  back. 

Ø    A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a  way that you will look forward to the trip. 

Ø    Hospitality:  making your guests feel like they're at home,  even if you wish they were. 

Ø    Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to  live with. 

Ø    I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be  devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my  foot. 

Ø    Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they  go. 
  
Ø    I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure. 
  
Ø    When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire  Department usually uses water. 

Ø    You're never too old to learn something stupid. 

Ø    To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever  you hit the target. 

Ø    Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. 

Ø    Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have  no imagination whatsoever. 

Ø    A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it  as when you are in it. 
  
Ø    Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine

Loch ness mystery solved

For hundreds of years people from areas with large lakes claim to have seen large aquatic animals in them.
Never having proof of such creatures have made us doubt their existance totally. Besides who would believe such a thing and still go to the lake in the summer to spend their leisure time?
Often times it´s the classic irregularity in horror films. The believer still insists on going into the lake where the creature could attack him at any time.
I guess the fact that nobody get´s bitten by this creature or these creatures is another sign it doesn´t exist. Unless it was a herbivore for example.
One thing that does hold the huge clubs and organisations for lake monsters together is their sightings and even photos.
There is absolutely no way they can prove those photos as true or false, generally taken from along way away and half submerged there´s just no way of discerning. And this is exactly what the enthusiasts go for most as if lake monsters were some kind of photo art phenomena.
Some videos were also caught of lakes that were generally calm showing obvious signs of disturbance. Some of those were quite interesting clips even to the most austere of sceptics.
One thing for sure is, if people want you to believe something strongly enough they will take extreme measures. For example I bet in some scottish house´s basement near loch ness there is an apparatus that´s used to resemble the lake creature. Beyond being just good fun you can imagine the kind of tourist benefits loch ness and the surrounding lake region have had.
Although the same doesn´t work for all lake districts with an infamous monster.
take Lake Erie and the great lakes of North America for example Some districts depend on tourists attracted by water sports, so inventing stories and taking a rubber half submergable replica of the beast would do more damage than good.
In this case maybe there is something similiar to a lake monster especially in such a sparse region of water.
Here is some pics of fresh water Eels, imagine something like this coming up from the depths!

Looks like a monster!
Could it be Giant eels are to blame for sightings of some lake monster.
they are known to exist in the Great lakes. No doubt they grow to atleast three metres. But could they grow bigger?
According to the facts Eels can grow up to 12 feet long and weigh up to 50 kilograms.
If this is true... Lake monsters already exist! Could you imagine the tens of 1000´s of eels that live around the biggest lakes in the world. You have to admit the probability of one growing big enough to scare tourists seems quite reasonable.
It is certainly much more plausible than some sort of prehistoric reptile.
So next time you´re on holiday near the lakeside remember to throw some food in for the for the giant eel before you go bathing. Make sure it´s meat because they are carnivores. If you still think it is some plesiosaur that survived the mass extinction, thanks for having faith.
And if you don´t believe in that sort of thing, congratulations.

Why people eat dogs?

In asian countries there are lots of people who eat dogs.
Could be for the flavour could be for the texture. People from the west get sick just thinking about it!
Many people would tell you that the reason people eat dogs in Asia is because of poverty.
Today we will dispute that notion with an old folktale.
Going back a millenia or two there was a family living on the border of what is nowadays China and Vietnam.
The families name was Shun Fun Yip. Being politically connected with local war lords they were neither poor nor stupid. Hunting for leisure and not merely for necessity.
Shun fun yip family was the regions most enthusiastic hunting family whose backyard was subtropical jungle full of pigs, deer and yes you guessed it wolves.  And every saturday the men of the family would go out and hunt pigs mainly.
On one very auspicious night the father Shin yuk shun fun yip invited his three daughters to go hunting with his three sons as a birthday present to his eldest daughter. The eldest of the daughters Chung lin tsu was given most of the houses responsibility as the mother would not work. Anyhow Chung lin tsu had been practising with a bow and arrow her brother had given her for her last birthday. By now she was actually a crack shot.
The other two of Shin yuks daughters had no chance though and basically went to follow their brothers and father.
One hundred metres or so into the undergrowth with nothing more than the pale dappled light of a half moon to see. The group seperated, one of the brothers named Zun lo went with the eldest sister Chung lin tsu and her two other sisters. The father and the other brothers ventured further into the Jungle where it was potentially more dangerous especially at night.
Chung lin tsu and Zun lo guided their sisters and slowly made their way to a great clearing in the jungle where they heard rustling.
Zun lo moved slower for he was afraid of alerting the animal. Chung lin tsu was much lighter on her feet and quicker. She moved past Zun lo in the blink of an eye drew her bow and hit the animal in the neck with a thud all so very quick the animal had barely time to shriek! Zun lo couldn´t believe it, his own sister had out hunted him on the first night out.
As he approached the mortally wounded animal Chung lin tsu called to him "Go and find father he and our brothers can help us to carry it home"! Zun lo´s curiosity almost got the better of him but he knew his sister was right. As Chung lin tsu and her sisters arrived at the animal it was dead, and to their shock it was no wild boar but a wolf!!! Chung lin tsu said to her sisters "This could be a bad omen let´s not tell father and Zun lo that it is a wolf, let´s just wrap it in the sacks he gave us and pretend it´s boar"! The sisters looked frightened it was forbidden to lie! And if they were caught they would be punished for months probably, but at the same time they loved their sister more. They were dependant on her and usually all wanted to be like her, so for now her secret was safe.
Meanwhile Shin yuk shun fun yip the father and his sons had caught a small but pretty plump wild boar. As Zun lo came to tell them that Chung lin tsu had also caught one, they all looked up in amazement and started smiling and cheering. It certainly was a night to celebrate, a woman successfully hunting a wild boar was almost unheard of in that region. So the merry hunting party went over to congratulate and help carry Chung lin tsu´s catch.
When the father Shin yuk approached the wolf it was already wrapped up in two or three sacks. Shin yuk thought about opening the sack to see the kill but by now even the half moon was behind the clouds and just being able to see each other was hard enough in the dark. So the brothers carried the wolf between them until they got back home. Chung lin tsu gave nobody a chance to peep into the sack and had the sisters help her. They dragged the wolf and the pig into the kitchen skinned them both and dismembered them for the feast.
Chung lin tsu was really good with herbs and spices and after the meat of the pork and wolf were cooked she made two seperate cauldron broths full of vegetables, herbs and spices.
The family who were now sitting salivating over the feast to come and anticipating the delicacies that Chung lin tsu was so reknown. The two cauldrons were lifted onto the table, after the initial taste testing it was the cauldron containing the wolf that was identified to be the best. The Shun fun yip family fought each other for the last morsel and the last drop. Leaving most of the pork broth untouched.
Shin yuk the father put his thick spoon into the pork broth and suddenly flinched. "What is the meaning of this, I know this is a pork broth because it tastes so familiar but the other meat was not pork???"
Chung lin tsu confessed everything and her sisters began to cry.
The other brothers became enraged getting up and yelling. Zun lo especially mad at been dooped tried to grab at his sister.
Just then Shin yuk the father screamed out "Zun lo this is your fault you accidently hit a wolf with your bow and blamed it on your sister!" Zun lo responded "No i swear it was her that hit it not me!" And the father cried out "wrong answer". In that moment the father Shin yuk drew his sword and cut off his son´s Zun los head.
And everybody went to bed crying. The next day however Shin yuk planned a new hunting excursion, hunting for wolves, or what is commonly known as canine.
So this story apart from carrying many valuable morals, is probably false.
What is true is...
To this day Dog is eaten in China, Vietnam and the Philipines. In many countries in the world people would complain about this.
However if you take some large cities in the world where some dogs live a very grim life because of being abandoned. For example being abandoned by their owners who thought the puppy was cute but then left them in the street after the animal lost it´s charm. Most of these street dogs die horribly from contaminated water or disease. In places where they eat dog these populations of suffering animals don´t exist. So is there a
moral dilemma? Or is eating dogs simply wrong?
Personally I don´t eat real dog meat but I sometimes eat hotdogs which is made from poor quality leftover meats.